Something Slightly darker

Revisiting old memories and looking forwards.

Hello Dear Friend,

How are you? I hope you are well and living your best life. Things have been a little weird in my corner of the world and I must confess the heat has not helped. I have been drawn back to things in my past, things that have happened, things I thought I had dealt with. But I guess not…

Two things have brought this to the surface, the first thing was I was the grateful recipient of some Angel Reiki healing from a friend who is training for her qualification. Thank you, Astrid, it truly is an amazing experience. The second thing is I have begun writing a memoir, documenting how spirits, angels and the paranormal have played a part in my life and how they have affected my life so far.

Both of these things have brought back memories of my early years, Neil, his death, the fall-out, and the ripples from that event. So much is beginning to make sense, and I am treating my inner child with lots of love and compassion.

I am not sure if I will ever make the whole memoir public, a lot of the work I am doing for this is really just for me, but I will share parts of my journey with you.

The Nightmare

For as long as I can remember I have had a nightmare. Not every night. Not every week. Actually, I have not had this nightmare for quite a while now, I’m not sure why.

Houses on the same row, where I grew up.

The nightmare starts with me in a living room, on a sofa I think, with a staircase behind me. It’s an old-fashioned 2-up, 2-down, Victorian terraced house, and it feels like nighttime. At the top of the stairs, something is forming, dark, and malignant which is coming for me and all in the house. The darkness creeps closer and closer, its presence growing in power the nearer it comes. I know all I have to do is scream or cry out to break this feeling of powerlessness, this feeling of absolute terror.

But I have no voice.

I cannot make a sound.

But I need to make a noise for this thing to retreat.

I need to make a noise or we will all be swallowed up by this evil presence.

My breath is ragged, my heart is pounding out of my chest, and I am filled with terror and dread. All I need to do is scream.

But I can’t.

Closer and closer it comes.

Then I wake up.

Breathless, heart racing. I come out of the nightmare with a start, as if something has wrenched me away from the darkness.

I could never work out what the dream was about before, but I think I do now. When we were growing up, our first years were spent in a 2-up, 2-down, Victorian terrace house, in the late sixties, so there was no inside loo, no bathroom. (I’m sure this is where my fear of spiders came from, trying to pee surrounded by the blighters…)

But I digress.

Strange things happened in the house while we were growing up, half-remembered tales spoken of with a shake of the head by the adults. I have the feeling now that this darkness, this presence was actually in that house. I seemed to be protected from it, but I believe Neil was very influenced by it. There were occasions where he would be found, in the nick of time thankfully, with his fingers almost in the electric sockets, or climbing out onto the upstairs window ledge, one time he nearly ran out onto the busy main road after opening the gate. He would have been about three and a half to four years old at the time.

I have no clear memory of the accident that took his life, my stock answer when questioned was ‘a log fell on his head’. Thinking about the events now, that seems too simplistic an answer, so I do not know exactly how he came to have his accident. But there is a part of me now that wonders if this darkness had followed him, and led him to be where he was at that moment.

Maybe one day I will know, but for now, let’s talk about happier things.

I have a Survey for You

This past week I have been taking part in a free course hosted by the lovely Ruth Poundwhite. It has gotten me thinking about what I would like to achieve with these letters and wondering what you would like from me. What would be helpful to you? What would bring solace to your heart? Or your soul?

Meditations? Mandalas to print off? Gentle herbal remedies? Printable affirmations or journal prompts?

I would love for you to fill out the survey, it should only take a couple of minutes of your time, and let me know how I can be of service to you. I would really appreciate it, and I thank you in advance for your help and guidance.

If there is something I haven’t thought of or you have some other suggestions, please feel free to reply to this letter, or leave a comment below and tell me.

Things making me smile this week:

My funky new mini-highlighters for my OU studies, they just make me smile every time I get them out. I love that each colour has a different expression. If you feel the need to give a few bears a home yourself, they can be found here

They are just so cute…

That’s it for this week, until next time, as ever, may your angels and guides watch over you and protect you until we meet again.

Love and Light,

Tracy

Guided By angels will always be free to subscribers. If you enjoy it click the like button or share it with someone who might enjoy it. If you really like it and are able, please consider buying me a brew. Thank you for reading and thank you for subscribing.

Links:

Ruth Poundwhite’s website

Due to all that is coming to the surface for me at the moment, I was recommended to read *Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C Gibson. This looks like just the book to help me through my previous experiences, whilst allowing space for the traumas my parents had already been through before Neil’s death. If you have had to deal with anything similar, it may be worth a look.

Anything in bold and underlined is a link to the relevant article or web page. None are affiliate links, just things I hope to benefit you, or people whom I admire and have worked with in the past.

Note: If there is a * these are affiliate links and will earn me a few pennies without adding to your cost.